Maybe We Can Get Somewhere

One summer day when I was younger I was sitting in my father’s car, waiting for him to get back from somewhere and a song came on. The song was “Fast Car” by Tracy Chapman. I never knew how much of an impact a song could have on someone until that moment. This is a song that many people know, but yet when I’m asked what my favorite song is, most people don’t understand why it’s that song. There are so many other songs. There are so many other artists. Why that one?

The song begins like this:

You got a fast car
I want a ticket to anywhere
Maybe we make a deal
Maybe together we can get somewhere
Any place is better
Starting from zero, got nothing to lose
Maybe we’ll make something
Me, myself, I got nothing to prove

I was born into a life that never really provided me a place where I felt I belonged. I moved around more than anyone I’ve ever met. I never had stable friends and for a long time, I never even tried to make friendships because I knew I wouldn’t be around long. I never knew when I would be told that I was moving again. Nothing was ever in my control. The idea of being able to get into a car and just go- that’s what kept me going. I was used to starting from zero, my mom and I didn’t have much growing up, so that didn’t scare me. It still doesn’t. I was 16 when I got license and I swear, I was counting down the days until I went to college. I even graduated high school early because of how anxious I was to get out of that small Illinois town.

When I finally began applying to colleges, I applied to 36. I didn’t want any chance of not being able to go somewhere because I was too lazy to fill out another application. Guess how many were in the midwest? One. Illinois State University. I applied solely because I didn’t think I had what it took to leave. I didn’t think I had the money, the willpower, the strength. I didn’t think I was brave enough. I hadn’t even really traveled before the age of 18. Sure, I had been to a few different states, but not alone and definitely not permanently. People told me I was crazy. I was told to slow down and take the easy way.

The next part of the song goes:

You got a fast car
Is it fast enough so we can fly away?
We gotta make a decision
Leave tonight or live and die this way

I knew I had to make the decision for myself. I knew I had to move out and move on with my life. I knew, somewhere deep inside of me, that I had it in me to start over and go somewhere else. I had this feeling that I was meant for more than a small life in Illinois. Obviously, I could’ve stayed and I’m sure I would’ve been fine, but I wouldn’t ever be truly happy. If you’ve ever felt trapped somewhere, you know what I mean.

People always say to make the best of every situation. I’m one of those people, most of the time. However, when it came to how I was living my life in Illinois, I just couldn’t. I was able to travel to the East Coast before I had to decide on a college and I only saw two of the schools I applied to. In all honestly, I didn’t even need to see the second one because the moment I saw the first, I was set. I knew I wanted to be there.

Arcadia University doesn’t seem like much to most people. It’s a small school in the suburbs of Philadelphia. The student body population is almost as small as my high school. There are so many universities in this country and yet, the moment I stepped foot on it’s campus, I knew it was where I was supposed to be.

It’s hard to describe in words the feeling of truly feeling like you belong somewhere. And maybe my judgement was clouded by my need to escape my life at the moment, but I just knew. To this day I still get asked why I decided to come here. I never really have a good answer, but I know that I’ve never once regretted it. I had to make a decision and I decided to choose me.

Since I decided to come to Arcadia, I have met some of my favorite people in this world. I have found my passion in this life and I have had the honor to learn under some of the most amazing professors. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what my life would’ve been like if I didn’t decide to come here.

The song continues:

So I remember we were driving, driving in your car
Speed so fast, I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped ‘round my shoulder
And I-I, had a feeling that I belonged
I had a feeling I could be someone

There’s nothing more in this life that I want than to feel like I belong somewhere. I feel like that’s all anyone wants in life. Since I first moved out to Pennsylvania, I have traveled to 29 states. Can you tell that I don’t like to be in one place too long? I think part of the reason why I have this need to travel right now is because I know what it feels like to be trapped in a life. I never want to feel like that again. I know one day, I will find a place where I feel I really truly belong, I hold onto this song because it makes me believe that the feeling is possible.

There have been many points in my life that I have felt like I could be in that place. The first time I hung out with my group of friends from high school. The first time I kissed my high school boyfriend. The first time I visited my college. But it was just never… right.

I remember the day that I left for my first road trip. I was so nervous, but I wouldn’t admit it to anyone. Beyond that feeling of fear, I was ecstatic. I was restless and I never wanted to stop traveling. I hardly ever knew where I going, but that the point. I didn’t need to. I could go anywhere. I see anything. I was so desperate to find a place where I felt like I belonged.

I think in a way, I found that I somewhat belonged everywhere. That sounds weird and conceited, but it’s true. No matter where I ended up, or how lost I was in the moment, I had the ability to find one thing that grounded me. It was like my own superpower.

One time at 3 in the morning, I was driving through Mississippi and almost running out of gas. I was terrified and I didn’t know where the nearest gas station was so I pulled over to try to get phone signal and I looked up and was met with the most stars I have ever seen in the sky. I just stood there in awe. I immediately felt this rush of calm come over me, like the Universe just gave me a hug and told me that everything was going to be fine.

There was another time where I was lost in Georgia. I had no idea where I was going. I was just taking turns and seeing where they took me. I ended up at a sign and I saw a poster for a sunflower field with an arrow pointing left. Guess which direction I went. I kept following the signs and eventually ended upon a mile long sunflower field. If you didn’t know, sunflowers are my favorite flowers so I feel like you understand how exciting I was. Once again, I felt like it was a warm hug from the Universe.

One day, during one of my travels I know I will feel that again. Until that day comes, I will be continue to explore this beautiful planet.

The song ends by repeating:

You got a fast car
Is it fast enough so you can fly away?
You gotta make a decision
Leave tonight or live and die this way

Maybe the secret to life is accepting that you might not ever fully belong somewhere; maybe you can belong everywhere. Maybe it’s accepting that sometimes a part of living is the need to escape. The reality is, everyone needs to fly away once in a while. Unfortunately, people don’t always make the decision. People don’t always choose themselves. So here’s my reminder for you: choose yourself more. Listen to your heart.

Remember that human beings are supposed to continue growing. If you are’t growing, you’re dying. Don’t let life make you feel trapped. You’re allowed to escape every once in a while. Life is too short to be somewhere you don’t feel like you belong.