The Seasons of Life
Recently I’ve found myself longing for times that I’ve experienced in the past; times that I didn’t even really enjoy when I was living them; times I took for granted. I guess it’s true what they say; you don’t know you’re living the good days until those days are behind you. When I look back on my life, I naturally break the periods into certain chapters, or seasons. For the purpose of this piece, I will refer to them as seasons.
The seasons of life… just like actual seasons, life seems to change faster than one can keep up with sometimes. The hardest thing about it is that sometimes, despite your best efforts, life changes anyways. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve found myself bargaining with the universe to keep certain things, or people, in my life for just a little longer. But maybe they shouldn’t. Maybe they can’t.
Maybe there’s a bigger reason why the universe refuses to take my offers over and over again.
You know what I mean. That friend that you thought was going to stick by your side forever, fades away. That relationship that you would’ve done anything to save, ends. That band that you go see every single summer, breaks up. The harsh reality is, everything eventually changes. Everything ends. Some seasons are harder than others and sometimes, you might wish you could just skip over one entirely.
It’s so easy to live life waiting for that next big thing. The day that you graduate, your milestone birthday, that next vacation, the next time you fall in love. How many people do you know that have a countdown app on their phone?
The thing about living life waiting is that you miss out on all of those days in between. The “average” days. Believe it or not, those are the days that you will look back on the most. We all know that feeling when it seems like every day is just blurring together. That feeling when you look around and realize that you’ve just been going through the motions of your life and not even experiencing anything.
Those nights in your freshman year dorm room with the roommates that drove you crazy, but you ended up loving anyways. Those high school parties with the people that you know you best in the entire world. That feeling of falling in love for the first time. Waking up on a warm July morning with the warmth of your sunburnt face and the smell of pancakes cooking in the kitchen. Building a snowman with your cousins as a kid and believing in magic. Drinking a warm cup of coffee on a cold winter morning watching the snow fall from your first apartment in a new city.
There are so many days that we take for granted, but so little of the “big” days, or the “countdown-able” days. Imagine how different your life might be if you were to just sit back and take in those average days a little more.
The thing is: we grow up learning to just get by until that next big thing. No one ever teaches us how to live in the present and soak up every minute of every single day. “Live every day like it’s your last.” Remember that you’re not invincible and that the people that you think will always be there, might not. Every season passes and every chapter ends. This season might not be the most magical, or glamorous and you might wish that you could move onto the next one, but take a minute. Look around you. Look at all of the beautiful things right in your grasp.
Take some time to live in your season. Life isn’t predictable, but you can always count on the seasons fading. Don’t let yours fade before you without appreciating them. Hug your best friends one more time. Walk around your hometown. Take pictures with your people. Listen to your favorite song a million times- remember how it makes you feel. Eat your favorite meal. Do what makes you happy now.
Looking back on the seasons of my life, I am both nostalgic and saddened. There was one season where I was so in love with this boy, but I couldn’t stop thinking about the future. I couldn’t live in the moment. I was constantly thinking about how life would soon rip us apart and we wouldn’t be able to be together. He was one of my favorite seasons, even if he doesn’t know it. That feeling of being undeniably loved by someone is like no other. I haven’t felt that since we broke up, but I constantly long for that acceptance. I think about how much better it would’ve been if I had just lived in the moment.
There was another season where I was so broken inside and so lost. I wish I could give that 16 year old girl a hug and tell her that everything was going to be okay. I wish I could tell her that she would find happiness half the country away and find love within herself. However, I know that she had to go through all of that to make me who I am today.
I don’t remember many of my early seasons, but I know that that blonde little girl lived in fear. Fear of messing up, fear of letting people down, fear of change. If only she knew that her life would be torn apart and taped together a million times. Maybe if she was told that it’s okay to not be perfect things would’ve been different for her.
The season I am longing for the most right now happened not too long ago. Summer of 2020 I traveled the country alone the entire summer in my Chevy Cruze and I was the most alive I have ever been. I was moving into my first apartment soon, I just bought my first car, finished my first year of college, had where to be and no one to answer to. The girl that I was a year ago was powerful and beautiful. I know she’s a part of me, but I wish I would’ve given her more time to live in the moment.
Look back on the seasons of your life, but don’t regret them. Understand that those seasons were necessary to make you who you are today. More seasons will come and go and make you another person, just remember to live in them as long as possible. The days may start to blur together, but they’re not everlasting.
